Energy Provocateur

By Steve Wells

What is happiness? Your values are your current definition of life happiness. Live your life according to your values and you will be happy. You will be meeting all of your current internal criteria for happiness and success.

The problem? We have been hard-wired to respond emotionally to many different things at the same time. We may have for example learnt that speaking in public is a way of getting recognition but also that it is a way of experiencing potential rejection. So we take two steps forward and two steps back. Our success is a “Yes – No”. Part of us is saying yes to success and part of us is saying no.

There are so many things in life like this, where we have learnt to associate BOTH pleasure and pain to them. The world of duality is such a pain when it is inside us, giving us little jolts of pain each time we think about moving forward to improve our lives, and giving us little bursts of pleasure every time we think about doing something else, even things which we KNOW intellectually we will feel bad about afterwards…

This yes-no conflict abounds in the wider society. It is so easy, for example, to find an opposite for every success injunction. Do it now? What about looking before you leap? Give 110 percent? What about your life balance? Delay your gratification for a greater reward later? But how about a bird in the hand?

How does this affect us personally? You want to make a difference in the world? What about the effects this might have on your family? You want to do something great? What about having a lazy day with friends at the beach instead?

Sometimes it feels like internal civil war! And it is. We are progressively giving ourselves little jolts of electricity and little injections of good and bad drugs (little squirts of pleasure and pain) every time we think either about moving in a new direction or even when we think about staying put. These pleasure-pain connections have been hard-wired into our nervous system by our past experiences with pleasure and pain.

Want to act against your internal emotional programming? Lots of luck! Pretty soon you’ll be feeling a lot of pain. This is why willpower doesn’t last; it can’t compete with the strong emotional messages coming from our unconscious.

What to do?

The outside world will not change for you until your inner world does. We need to settle down the war inside us and treat our pleasure and pain attachments before we’ll be able to move forward with more clarity and certainty.

As strange as it may seem, the way forward when you have a strong internal push-pull is to treat your attachment to BOTH sides. Don’t just try to treat your addiction to daytime television or computer games and not your desire to work harder. Treat both parts, as both parts represent underlying values of yours which are trying to express. If you make one side win, then the other side has to lose. And since part of you wants that, then you get to lose either way.

What we are after here is a way that everyone can win. This is where all parts of you can be accepted, where you can get what you really want, where the way forward for you is a “Yes-Yes”, or what I call 100% YES!

100% YES! is a state where you know that what you are doing is good for you on all levels, where all parts of you are working together to give you the best of all worlds. It’s where you discover your true passion, the stuff you really love to do, and you are able to go for it. To get there, you need to release the fear and false programming that tells you that you can’t do it or have it or be it. Strange as this may seem, this is a journey of accepting all parts of yourself, and getting them to work together for your greater good…

Experience 100% YES in a live workshop
We have workshops coming up soon in Kuala Lumpur , Singapore and Sydney

Can’t make it to a live workshop?

The Values Intensive “live” workshop DVD set will show you how to use tapping to align your values for success. Find out more at:  http://www.eftdownunder.com/DVD.html

Note: 100% YES! is our registered trademark.

Jason Fox chats with energy psychologist Steve Wells from drjasonfox on Vimeo.

Steve Wells is interviewed by Jason Fox from www.enjoyexams.com on Simple Energy Techniques (SET) and how it can be used in exams and performance situations to reduce stress and produce feelings of calm.

Find out more about Steve, about SET, and about his new book at www.eftdownunder.com

Find out more about Dr. Jason Fox and his work at www.enjoyexams.com

We would love to read your comments on this video!

Steve Wells and Dr. David Lake

Enquiring minds thinking in terms of “black and white” have posed this question. Our short answer is “yes”—and “no”.

Both EFT and SET are true energy psychology techniques, and both, in our experience, work well for the right indications. The interesting thing about such techniques (and there are only about 5-6 original ones) is that they all seem to produce results in broadly equivalent fashion; the differences are in the details and method of application.

Let’s say that again up front just to be clear: SET and EFT are both effective in offering relief for emotional and physical distress, and in that respect there may be no clear differences between them; the main differences are in how they are applied.

Both SET and EFT have elements of working directly and indirectly on problems. Both are body techniques that have a large effect indirectly on the problem-thinking. Obviously the tapping points that SET and EFT have in common are not the issue here. The issue as we see it is ease of use and simplicity, particularly when applying energy techniques as self-help. And it is in the area of self-help that SET really comes into its own.

What Is ‘Direct’ Work?

• Most often done with a therapist
• Involves identifying the specific belief and “core” issue.
• Aim is to thoroughly eliminate the effects of all the triggering aspects of a problem.
• Ideally the end result is a peaceful emotional balance: The problem no longer bothers you.
• Examples are treating trauma and phobias

What Is ‘Indirect’ Work?

• Tapping without having to think or focus too much
• Tapping while problems are experienced or felt without having to know what they are
• Tapping as an activity in itself
• Tapping as “self-soothing”
• Lessening the force of problems over time
• Gaining results from tapping in other personal areas of life, and well-being
• After direct work and treatment of specific issues, tapping which is used as self-treatment to help maintain the gains

Why SET Is ‘Better’ / Benefits of SET

A different philosophy of treatment:

1. If you tone down the body’s primitive alarm responses over time, then most problems will find it harder to express through the body.
2. Problems might persist in a mental form but if they don’t bother you emotionally, what is the problem?
3. Regardless of the problem, if the intensity is lessened by tapping, then the pattern of the problem over time is interrupted, and you can function on a higher emotional level (more calm, better balance)

In SET, tapping, or meridian stimulation alone, takes a more central place and the doing of that is seen as paramount, whereas EFT has a number of more complicated processes
SET tapping is typically more indirect, whereas the focus of EFT is on direct work, identifying and targeting “core issues. Whereas SET can also be used in this more direct way, with SET results can also be achieved without needing to be clever or psychological, and SET can be used even when you don’t know what the problem is
Using the indirect tapping approach of SET for “energy toning” the effects of problems are generally felt less and less over time, and the benefits tend to accumulate
SET for self-help is simple to use and therefore typically offers more daily relaxation and body toning—the quantity of tapping is here seen as important
Over time the indirect tapping approach can bring a significant change in body alarm responses (stress) and general emotional reactivity
SET is more naturalistic and simple to use than EFT. The continual tapping practice is the one thing (in our experience) that people attending workshops recall and use consistently after being taught how to do it.
In SET, set-up statements are not required: there is no need to be clever, psychological or to have the right words, and you are encouraged to focus on the problem “in your own way”
SET can be easily added to your daily routine, and practised while doing daily tasks such as telephoning, reading and watching TV
SET is ideal as self-help, and empowering to use
The process of SET is a simple “doing” for people who need that, with simple rules
Anybody can use SET and feel ‘successful’ in different degrees—this is important for continuing use, especially with severe issues.
Tapping is available spontaneously at any time if needed—“just start tapping!”
The simple tapping processes of SET can become a lifelong practice, like building your emotional fitness
SET is Integrative—It can be easily added as a component to any therapeutic approach, by adding continual tapping to the processes being used, whereas the fixed procedures of EFT may intrude into some therapeutic processes
SET is Adaptable—you can simply “graft” tapping on to the problem as you feel it, even if you don’t know what else to do with those feelings

Why EFT Is ‘Better’ / Benefits of EFT

Simple rationale: “The cause of all negative emotion is a disruption in the body’s energy system”

There is a standard recipe and system to EFT, and this particularly appeals to people who need a more structured and standardized approach
EFT may seem more logical and active than SET, and the inclusion of additional components make it seem more comprehensive
The emphasis on direct work and finding core issues in EFT appeals to many people, whereas this is deemphasized in SET
Addressing one issue or aspect at a time in a more or less systematic manner is encouraged in EFT, whereas in treatment using SET there is no imperative to focus specifically in this way (although working on one issue or aspect at a time can be done in SET if desired); this one-at-a-time approach of EFT may be easier to think about for some people.
Many clinical examples exist over a decade of how to utilize EFT
Gary Craig’s DVD’s are an excellent resource for learning EFT and the art of delivery

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Why SET Is ‘Lesser’ / Criticisms of SET

The simple tapping approach of SET may look too trivial and minimal to really help
When using SET for indirect work the active mind may persist with disturbing thoughts, and people can be distracted by such thoughts rather than checking in with their feelings
The mind might not ‘realise’ right away that the feeling of the problem state has changed, since the associated thoughts may persist anyway
When using SET tapping indirectly for self-help it can sometimes take longer for results to manifest and they may be more subtle. This may also be true if the therapeutic approach being used is more general
The SET concept of energy toning seems to conflict with other theories as to how tapping directly might work and the assumed importance of locating and treating “core issues”

Why EFT Is ‘Lesser’ / Criticisms of EFT

Magic thinking abounds due to expectations drummed up by some EFT websites and claims of some practitioners, leading many people to expect a rapid result or a ‘quick fix’
People often have a lot of trouble “finding the right words to say” in their own EFT set-up statements or reminder phrases.
Many people become unsure if they are “doing it right” or even that sometimes it can be done at all (which may be correct as often we need the help of others to change)
It is easy to believe that with EFT you have to be your own therapist—and somehow to do it all yourself
Typically, when EFT doesn’t work, the person blames themselves for not making progress or still having some of the problem (although this criticism could apply equally to SET depending on how it is presented by the practitioner)
EFT is seen as a ‘separate’ activity to ordinary living and requires time and dedication
The concept of having to identify “core issues” can lead many people on a never-ending search for THE right issue to focus on
Using EFT can taper off and fall away as the problem diminishes since it is being used only remedially
Some people with major problems may think they can’t really help themselves much away from the practitioner’s rooms especially where the practitioner taps on or for clients
EFT is a revolutionary technique that has helped hundreds of thousands of people but it can’t always be used directly by yourself, nor for everything. You can try—but often it’s too hard for the ordinary person.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Criticisms that May Apply to both EFT and SET (especially when used only for self-help)

Whilst both SET and EFT may both be ideal for self-help, this may not be the total answer for many people, who will still need regular, direct work on specific problems with the help of a therapist. Applying EFT or SET at length for self-help when the real direct work of personal growth has not been done won’t deliver a great result. That defies common sense.

Working effectively on major problems of depression, social phobias, and compulsions (for example) can often be very difficult, and this leads to doubts, especially if you have been lead to believe that self-help using EFT or SET should be enough to treat these problems. A person with any of these conditions will need plenty of therapeutic help to deal with the real-world issues that have swamped them. They will need direct work with a therapist until they are steady and functioning on a higher level. EFT or SET can be part of that but may not be the only part. EFT and SET will be invaluable in follow up and maintenance of gains.

A common clinical request is for an EFT session for a lifelong problem—with the hope that this single session will fix it. It is worth stating that some people need years of focussed help—and tapping—to achieve emotional freedom. And that this is normal. Some problems will respond to tapping alone but major ones are likely to need everything you can throw at them, including the person’s having a reason and purpose for living, a spiritual source, a support system and the time and motivation to accept help.

In Conclusion

Neither SET nor EFT is ‘better’ or ‘worse’. The question is confusing since both have their place.

The best energy technique for any person is the one that they are going to use and have confidence in. The nature of this use will depend on their understanding. Just the relaxing aspect of SET means a better life for most personal users. For therapists it doesn’t really matter, both SET and EFT (and all the other energy techniques) have compelling results in direct work for fear and anxiety-based problems. For individuals and those interested in self-help, we think SET has a clear advantage.

If you consider that for most of a person’s life they will be helping themselves and others with what they know, then SET is a great gift because the blocks to using it freely are minimal—and then it will be used! And if you agree that most people in the world in need of help won’t be having therapy, then SET as self-help is an ideal simple, usable gift for them to use to deal with as much hurt and anxiety as they can.

Steve Wells presenting at the Enjoy Emotional Freedom Book Launch

Enjoy Emotional Freedom, an exciting new book by Steve Wells and Dr. David Lake, was officially launched on Saturday 23rd April at a packed house book launch held at the Bodhi Tree in Mt Hawthorn, Perth. At the launch, co-author Steve Wells presented a demonstration of Simple Energy Techniques (SET), the unique body-energy approach he developed together with co-author Dr. David Lake, and which is outlined in the authors’ new book. Steve was kept busy answering questions on  SET from the 60-strong audience, and  signing copies of the new book (see pictures below).

Steve Wells signs books at the launch of Enjoy Emotional Freedom

Enjoy Emotional Freedom is an exciting book about a big subject. It represents the fruit of a decade of experimentation and innovation in the field of energy psychology by two of the most enthusiastic and original contributors. In a nutshell the techniques taught in this book allow you to ‘tune’ and ‘tone’ your body’s energy system for the immediate benefit of relaxation and a reduction of the body’s stress responses.

Enjoy Emotional Freedom teaches the reader two very easy to learn body-energy techniques which can help you to gain control over your negative feelings. The two techniques outlined in the book are Emotional Freedom Techniques (SET), developed by Gary Craig, and Simple Energy Techniques (SET), developed by the authors. These techniques are based on manipulating the body’s meridian system (the basis of acupressure and acupuncture); they’re simple, easy to learn, and most importantly, they work!

Many rave reviews have already been received about Enjoy Emotional Freedom from leading figures in the Energy Psychology field, and these can be read on the author’s website at: http://www.eftdownunder.com/enjoyemotionalfreedom.html

An excellent review of this exciting new  book can also be seen at: http://www.tap4health.com/enjoy-emotional-freedom-by-steve-wells-and-david-lake-eft-book-review/

Steve answers questions at the signing

Enjoy Emotional Freedom is published by Exisle Publishing, and can be purchased from bookstores throughout Australia and New Zealand.  It is also available online from:  http://www.eftdownunder.com/enjoyemotionalfreedom.html

By Steve Wells

“The life of a high achiever is one of risk and reward, one of sowing and reaping, and/or one of straining and growing. Nothing great will happen unless you first take a risk, sow the right seed, and/or strain through resistance. Get started and make your dreams come true.” - Greg Werner (Strength & Conditioning Coach)

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
– Helen Keller

Some people are seeking a world without stress, a world of total comfort. But you need stress in your life and if you have enough of the right kind of it you can actually end up with a life which is more comfortable. By the same token, seeking to eliminate all stress from your life can mean you end up less comfortable and having less of a life. Let me explain…

There is distress, the bad stress, and then there is eustress, the stress that helps you grow. This is the kind of stress you need in your life. It is also the neglected part of the stress theory originally advanced by Hans Selye.

Eustress was defined by Selye as “healthy stress, the type of stress which gives one a feeling of fulfillment or other positive feelings. Eustress is a process of exploring potential gains.” (Wikipedia).

In Selye’s model, persistent stress that is not resolved through function qualifies as distress, and can lead to anxiety and withdrawal behaviour. Eustress, on the other hand, is the positive stress which enhances physical or mental functioning through, for example, strength training or challenging work.

Eustress in my definition is caused by energy that moves, or represents that which causes energy to move. An action that causes energy to move through you can be a good stress. Like going to the gym. Or having good therapy. These are examples where seeking out stress ultimately results in less stress of the negative type and generates more energy flow, arguably a state of greater comfort.

The ultimate cost of seeking a world without stress is that you end up atrophying. Ultimately, attempting to eliminate all stress from your life in order to be comfortable can have deadly consequences for your life energy. You may recall the biblical parable of the guy who accumulates all this “stuff”, gets ready for a life of ease, and then dies .

We are goal seeking organisms, we need the positive stress of moving forward and growth.

Exercise is an example of something which seems to take energy but which ultimately gives more energy than it takes. It seems (when you are setting out to do it) to have an energy cost but ultimately (after you’ve done it) there is an energy boost. The same could be said for cleaning your house, or desk, or car, or completing a task you’ve been putting off. Or taking action on a life value or high goal.

Getting off your bottom to go out there into the world, expand your comfort zone and achieve your goals often has a fear component or a feeling of working hard associated to it, but the rewards of moving through this are great. Jim Rohn says “for every disciplined effort there is a multiple reward”.

And here’s where the tapping can come in.

You can tap on your fear of moving forward. You can tap on your fear of feeling a little bit of stress. Tap to realise the value of positive eustress in your life; to help you realise not just intellectually but in your nervous system that this stress is a good thing to be experiencing. And tap to prevent that stress from becoming distress, the kind of stress that accumulates and overwhelms and doesn’t move. Tap to facilitate the movement of that stress through your system, to ultimately make the uncomfortable more comfortable and create the action habit in your nervous system …

There is, of course, a place for comfort in life, for rest in between surges forward. It may even be essential for your ultimate development and may improve your productivity and performance to take a rest. But you don’t want to stay there, otherwise you start to go backwards. And your energy contracts.

Paradoxically, expanding your comfort zone and creating more stress – which seems to be the most uncomfortable thing – can actually produce a level of comfort and peace and achievement far beyond what can be achieved by basing your life around comfort and security.

I say it this way to potential peak performers: Your success lies on the other side of your current comfort zone. Your success relies on getting more good stress into your life.

So here’s the important question for you: What, if you did it today, would lead to an influx of positive energy into your life? Make the decision to do it now, tapping for any fear and worry that this may cause. Tap to change your attitude to stress. After all, it may be that stress which will keep you alive.

What do you think? We would love to read your comments.

By Steve Wells

Here’s something that might surprise many of you: Positive affirmations don’t always produce positive results. In fact, they can – and often do – produce negative results for some people. We have known this for some time from our workshops, where we ask people about their experiences with affirmations. Our consistent finding has been that affirmations only work for a small percentage of people.

In previous blog posts I have written about how affirmations don’t actually work for most people who use them and how so-called negative thinking and negative feeling ain’t always so devastatingly bad as you may think (You can see those previous posts at: http://www.eftdownunder.com/blog/?p=8 and http://www.eftdownunder.com/blog/?p=9 )

Now there is some research which supports the contentions I made in those previous posts and also points to why our PET approach works so well.

According to a recent study in Psychological Science (as reported in Science Daily), individuals with low self-esteem can actually feel worse about themselves after repeating positive self-statements. The researchers, psychologists Joanne V. Wood and John W. Lee, asked participants with low self-esteem and others with high self-esteem to repeat the typical self-help book phrase “I am a lovable person”, then measured their moods and their momentary feelings about themselves.

The participants who had low self-esteem felt worse after repeating the positive self-statement compared to another low self-esteem group who did not repeat the self-statement! On the other hand, the individuals with high self-esteem did feel better after repeating the positive self-statement, but only slightly.

In a follow up study where the participants were allowed to list negative self-thoughts along with positive self-thoughts, the paradoxical finding was that low self-esteem participants actually had better mood responses when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on positive thoughts!

The following quote taken from the Science Daily Article raises an issue which should be of concern to all who are still routinely using the same EFT set-up phrase with every client:

“The psychologists suggested that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements such as “I accept myself completely” can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem. Such negative thoughts can overwhelm the positive thoughts.”

(Journal Reference: Wood et al. Positive Self-Statements: Power for Some, Peril for Others. Psychological Science, 2009)

This was our consistent finding when using the self-acceptance phrase in EFT. In another controversial article on our blog I wrote how when we were using EFT we discovered that using the self-acceptance phrase actually causes many people to “tune into” their self-acceptance issues (i.e. it puts them in touch with their lack of self-acceptance!). For these people, we achieved consistent positive results by having them repeat a seeming “negative” phrase instead, such as, “I deeply and completely reject myself!” Of course we would do this with the characteristic humour of the PET style. (That article can be found here: http://www.eftdownunder.com/blog/?p=17 )

In our workshops we’ve frequently demonstrated that having a person repeat aloud their negative belief often results in a lift in their energy state (or what I call a “yes” response) where they clearly accept that statement as “true”. Then having them repeat an opposite, positive belief often results in a disturbance in their state (or “no” response), where they clearly energetically and emotionally reject that statement. Therefore, rushing to the positive side and having them repeat this can overwhelm them and be an invalidation, similarly to simply telling a depressed person to “cheer up”. As Marianne Williamson has said, it is our light, not out darkness, that most frightens us.

Paradoxically, a lack of willingness by the practitioner to work with the dark side may prevent some people from being able to more easily approach the light!

The research mentioned above very much vindicates the approach we take in PET which, by joining with the client’s negative beliefs, validating them, and tapping on them, leads to positive shifts away from attachment to the negative belief, and more acceptance of the positive alternative.

Now of course as the research from Psychological Science points out, those who already have high self-esteem and who can accept the positive belief statement without having the energetic equivalent of a hernia can go straight to the positive side. In PET, when we see an energetic “opening” where the client is ready that is when we know we can deliver positive messages without provoking a repulsion or rejection response… This stage is often reached only after a lot of tapping whilst focusing on the negative belief and it’s antecedents.

But there is a level beyond releasing negative beliefs or accepting positive alternative beliefs., and this can be achieved often only after continued tapping on both sides of the belief continuum and on all the emotional attachments to these beliefs, whether negative or positive. This is the transformative step where we start to realise that none of these beliefs are real, they are all just ideas from the vast sea of ideas. They are not us, we are not them. This is a move towards the place of peace, the land beyond duality, where the concept of positive or negative is no longer necessary or relevant.

To end, one of our favourite quotes from Rumi:

“Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Click this link to find out how you can attend a life-changing workshop with Steve Wells and Dr. David Lake:  http://www.eftdownunder.com/events.html

What do you think?

We would love to read your comments.

By Steve Wells

I download my email and find a notification for the 1st global conference on revenge! How about that, I think, an entire conference dedicated to the topic of revenge, vengeance, and retaliation. As the call for papers states: “Revenge, so we are told, is a dish best served cold: a ’sweet’ wreaking of vengeance on those who have – either in reality or in our minds – slighted, wronged or in some way ‘injured’ us…” Hmmm.

As I read the conference description I think, “Isn’t that interesting, my wife and I were just watching a television program last night where revenge was the theme: Two guys who loved the same girl fought a duel, one of them won the duel but the other wouldn’t accept that he’d lost and spent the rest of his life sending people to kill the other guy… Ok, I admit it was Midsomer Murders, a rather sedate BBC show which my wife loves and which often sends me to sleep. This episode however, managed to hold my interest throughout… Hmmm.

As I muse on the “coincidence” of the revenge theme coming up twice in 24 hours my thoughts turn to a recent client who admitted over-reacting and seeking revenge for every slight or perceived slight in his life, if someone cut him off in traffic he would deliberately pursue them in order to “teach them a lesson”, even threatening his own safety to do so. I’m not that bad I think to myself. Hmmm.

Then I remember…

Two days prior to this while writing a workshop description for the website I ask my wife Louise for some feedback. She gives me the feedback but as usual she is very honest with me; my initial scratchings are less than perfect. And that’s where it starts. “You’re so negative” I respond to the perceived hurt, forgetting that I have asked for the feedback. I might add now as I reflect that at that point I did no tapping. After all it is “she” who has the attitude problem and a lack of tact and diplomacy… Hmmm.

So we continue our slightly heated “discussion” and it does work out ok, mainly because Louise persists with me, obviously realising that I really do need the help as I am “too close” to my own work. So she focuses on the task, not the attack, and we are able to come up with a way through my writing impasse…

But the story doesn’t end there unfortunately.

Later that evening at home I ask for help on another matter. Louise is busy however with the never-ending pile of household jobs, and refuses. So I react angrily and shout at her. (Again, I admit, no tapping here!). I don’t understand her refusal or the strength of her reaction to my expression of displeasure. Why couldn’t she do such a simple thing? Why is she reacting so?

Two hours later we are going to bed. Now I am being ignored and I don’t understand why. Sheesh! No chance to kiss and make up. As we say in Australia, I am in the dog house.

NOW, I am tapping because that rejection really hurts. And it isn’t fair. My cause as always was pure; I am just a poor misunderstood soul. So I sulk. And I hurt. And I tap. Just lightly on the finger points, and occasionally just touching and holding the face points, I don’t want to wake Louise up. And all the time I feel it is ME that has been wronged. Hmmm.

One thing I have learned is that the hurts we experience in relationships, especially in our primary relationships, are some of the most difficult feelings to treat. Sometimes it even feels like they are immune to the tapping they are so strong and persistent. This is because they are ancient feelings often with very deep and distant roots. I’ve learned when I have these feelings to start tapping and keep tapping, even if I have to do this for hours into the long night. Because the tapping, even when not working perfectly, tends to take the edge off those primitive feelings. And the thoughts which those feelings drive. Thoughts of…. yep … thoughts of vengeance!

So I tap for hours until I finally fall asleep. Then I wake up too early and I am still hurting. I start tapping lightly again as my mind torments me with thoughts of getting up versus staying in bed and the futility of all this damned tapping! But the focus is on MY hurt now, and all thoughts of vengeance have gone away. I know it is my problem and I know I have to persist. So I do.

I keep tapping until the alarm sounds. Louise wakes up and we start talking. I am awake enough and my emotions are subdued enough that I can try to listen and understand, without reacting. As always, there is another side, another perspective, another experience, another suffering, which I am blind to. I try to “get it” and I know I don’t totally but it doesn’t matter. I have made a valiant attempt. And we have weathered another storm. There’s mopping up to do but the energy has shifted. We live to love again…

So what do I have to say on the subject of revenge? I don’t like it. I reject it. I deny it. But if I’m truthful I have to admit I have it. Sure I didn’t go along with any of the thoughts of vengeance that entered my head in my “long dark night” and I can’t recall I time I ever did to any great extent. But what drove the severity of my negative reaction and brain-snap earlier that night? Sure as eggs it was the smouldering hurt from the perceived criticism earlier that day. And so once again I get to learn that whatever I teach the lesson is really for me.

I am reminded of a client who tended to react violently to his partner’s messiness. He would get so angry if his partner left her clothing and other effects lying around that he would swear and curse and smash something. I taught him the tapping and in his next session he told me it hadn’t worked. His partner had left her shoes lying around one day and he got so angry he smashed the shower screen door (then he had to repair it!). When I enquired if he’d done the tapping when he discovered her shoes spread around, he admitted he hadn’t. She had just done her thing and he reacted. In an instant I realised how futile it would be to advise him to tap at the time, as he was so driven by his angry feelings. So I advised him to do the tapping at a neutral time, before she did anything wrong and when he was not feeling upset. And that worked a treat. He didn’t have another violent aggressive incident after this, even though his partner still continued to be, in his words, “a bit messy”. Hmmm.

So here’s what I tell my clients (and myself) about anger and revenge: Don’t wait until someone cuts you off in traffic. Do the tapping when you first get in the car. Then you will be less reactive if something does happen. Don’t wait until your partner does that thing that “always” upsets you. Do the tapping at a neutral time when you are not being provoked. Anger and vengeance are such driving emotions it is very difficult (not impossible, but difficult) when you are “in” those feelings to stop yourself and tap. So do the tapping beforehand.

You can also do the tapping for first aid when you are upset, and you will still need to do this at times. But the work will then be much harder, as you’ll be working against the compelling drive of those strong emotional reactions. And you’ll need to persist.

If you want to, you can seek to identify the past experiences where you learnt these reactions and tap on those specific events and memories, but some of these things are quite unconscious to us. Persistence in tapping can work when you can’t even identify such events. So focus first on getting enough tapping into your life and when you do your overall reactivity will settle down. And you will start to see things clearly again. And you’ll be much easier to live with…

P.S: A day after I write this article I open my email inbox and download another conference alert… you aren’t going to believe this but you can check it out for yourself… at Oxford in July… the 3rd global conference on… wait for it… Forgiveness!!!

P.P.S.: Further enquiry will reveal both conferences are at the same place same dates. How appropriate…

P.P.P.S.: Come to a workshop and learn how to apply SET to relieve the hurt.

What do you think?
We would love to read your comments.

By Steve Wells

One of my clients once disclosed to me that she was spending up to 4 ½ hours tapping each day. I told her it was time to go out and take some action, rather than waiting until everything was perfect before she moved. She started taking “baby steps” (whilst tapping) and now her life is a whole lot better.

As wonderful as tapping can be for reducing the emotional intensity of many issues, I have found that it can also be used as a distraction or to defer taking action in areas that are important to us. This is because we fear having to cope with the inevitable feelings that will arise in new situations, and we know that even with tapping those feelings may arise. It is the discomfort of those feelings that we really fear.

I used to counsel clients to tap until they were at a “zero” intensity on their emotional issues and then to go out into the situation. Now, I certainly encourage them to spend some dedicated time tapping on the issue and their fears, but then I encourage them to go forward and “tap as you go” without worrying that emotions will arise. A little bit of discomfort, a little bit of stress, can be good for us. We change and grow in response to challenge. The key is that the challenge needs to be non-overwhelming.

In the research on psychological methods that work, exposure therapy, where you basically face your fear and go ahead and do the feared thing anyway, is “top of the pops”. The challenge with this approach however is that sometimes the fear is overwhelming, and there can be a great deal of suffering involved in getting there. This is where tapping comes in, and especially the innovative finger tapping of SET which is very portable and can be done anywhere quite discreetly. By reducing the intensity of fear or stress to a manageable level, SET allows you to move forward now rather than waiting until everything is perfect before you ever take a step.

I’m afraid films like “The Secret” have also contributed to the tendency for some people to expect results without doing anything about it. The message here is that if you work on your “vibration” then everything you want will come to you.

Actually, I DO believe that “vibration” or “energy state” is important, however I also know that action is the basis of all results in the world. Action and energy go together. As Einstein said, nothing happens until something moves! And not much will happen for you unless YOU move!!!

A woman rang me once and exasperatedly stated that she’d been working on her manifestation and that it “wasn’t working”. I enquired as to what she meant, and she disclosed that she was wanting to find a life partner and had been working on tapping and “raising her vibration” every day. I asked her what she’d actually DONE about going out and getting in the area where men were likely to be so that she could give herself a chance of meeting one of them… And she admitted that she had done nothing.

After we’d spoken for a while this lady said, “I realise now talking with you that I’ve basically been waiting for someone to break down outside my house!” This was in fact one of the only ways that the love of her life could come into contact with her.

And then something unbelievable happened (sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction!)…

While we were talking she suddenly said in an excited voice, “Hang on, I think someone has broken down outside!” She left the phone and I mused over how strange the universe can be in terms of how things manifest.

When she came back to the phone, her voice was despondent. It was an elderly gentleman, and not a very attractive one at that. My caring response was along the following lines: “That’s what you get if you don’t go out and take action; you have to settle for what you get rather than getting what you really want.”

I haven’t heard back from this lady however when we finished the conversation she sounded real clear about the difference between basically wishing and hoping versus taking action to achieve your dreams.

I’ve mentioned Jim Rohn before and he says it so well: “Affirmation without discipline is the beginning of delusion.”

Have you been deluding yourself? Do you have something that you want but you haven’t been taking the necessary actions to make it happen? No amount of wishing will bring it to you, and nor will tapping alone change your life.

Do some tapping on your fear. Do some tapping on your fear of the fear. Then take action, tapping as you go. Small steps, even baby steps, with tapping as you go, will take you where you want to go more surely than any amount of tapping on its own.

What do you think?

We would love to read your comments.

Learn how to use tapping to overcome your fears and other emotional blocks in a live workshop with Steve Wells and Dr. David Lake. Click here for information on all our upcoming workshops:
http://www.eftdownunder.com/events.html

By Steve Wells

Note: Since I wrote this article, Michael Phelps was beaten by Germany’s Paul Biedermann in the 200m freestyle at the world swimming championships, although there is contention that the new high-tech swimming suit aided his result. Biedermann believes it did and states, “I hope there will be a time when I can beat Michael Phelps without these suits.” Phelps is eagerly awaiting a re-match on more equal terms. In the meantime, he remains a champion and world record holder in more events than anyone else, and this article is about one of the more surprising strategies he uses to succeed at this level…

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Did you know that Michael Phelps recently broke the world record for the 100m butterfly at the US Nationals, in a time of 50.22 seconds, beating Ian Crocker’s previous record of 50.40?

The 100m butterfly was one of the events that Phelps won in Beijing, where he won an incredible eight Olympic gold medals. Interestingly, the 100m fly was the only event in which Phelps didn’t set a world record in Beijing.

In his post-Olympic year, Phelps has had his sights on breaking the world record for the fly and came close in Montreal at the Canada Cup 5 weeks ago, when he set a personal best time of 50.48 seconds. Let’s look at the strategy which enabled Phelps to improve on that time and break the record just 4 weeks later. It may surprise some of you.

Phelps was interviewed after his win at the Canada Cup, and here is what he said:

It was pretty much exactly the same race as Beijing – I was out a tenth slower. I just need to get a little more rest leading up to the nationals and hopefully take it out a little quicker.”

What did he say?

Let me repeat it just so it sets in: “I just need to get a little more rest…”

A little more rest? How can that be?

Most people don’t think of rest as being an important ingredient for peak performance. They think of the super athlete or the corporate superstar constantly pushing beyond their previous mark in order to improve. They think of blood and tears and sweat, with no time taken for rest. But the reality is surprisingly different.

Yes it IS true that the peak performer strives to improve and push past their previous mark. Pushing beyond your previous comfort zone is a crucial component of all peak performance. But the reality is that the true peak performer balances these periods of challenge with periods of rest and recovery.

This is explained brilliantly in an excellent book by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz titled The Power of Full Engagement, where they state:

“To build capacity, we must systematically expose ourselves to more stress – followed by adequate recovery… We grow at all levels by expending energy beyond our normal limits, and then recovering.”

And then recovering.

Adequate recovery after periods of expansion allows for the integration of gains, which is necessary in order for improvements in performance to be sustained. According to Loehr and Schwartz, the balancing of periods of recovery with periods of expanding capacity is crucial because during the recovery period is when growth actually occurs.

Where nothing seems to be happening, a lot is really happening…

I see so many people who believe that working harder and longer is the path to peak performance. They think of rest time as down time, unproductive time, wasted time. But the reality is that not only is rest time necessary to avoid burnout, it is actually essential for fully developing your potential and increasing your performance!

And here’s the other side to this. When you are feeling down and burnt out the solution is not in rest alone, even though that might be the first thing that is needed. The solution is to stretch yourself beyond your previous limits and to rest – and ultimately to balance the two.

It is just as destructive to your peak performance to rest all the time as it is to push (or work) all the time. Too much rest leads to atrophy. And too much stress leads to burnout, exhaustion, and loss of power. The power is in the integration.

So if you are burnt out, you need to challenge yourself. Then you need to rest. Then you challenge. Then you rest. True peak performance is a cyclic thing.

Phelps was clearly able to see the importance of balancing periods of rest for peak performance, and this is one of the reasons why he was able to go on and break the world record in the 100m fly at the Nationals. You would do well to emulate his approach, adapting it to your own situation. Identify ways to stretch your capacity and decide how you will rest and recover.

Some questions to begin:

What would be a stretch for you? What, if you did it, would take you out of your comfort zone but up to a higher level of performance? What, if you did it, could significantly improve your results? What have you been avoiding doing, but know would be good for you to do?

How will you rest and recover? What can you do to just relax? What takes very little energy to do but gives you lots of energy in return? What would seem like a complete indulgence to you but if you did it would give you a sense of having done something really good for yourself?

Now, where does tapping come in?

Tapping can be fantastic when you want to build your capacity by helping you to deal with the discomfort involved in moving beyond your previous limits. Tap to do the thing you currently fear, to do the thing you currently link discomfort to, to go beyond your previous comfort zone… Tap on those old internal pain-pleasure attachments so that they don’t continue to hold you back.

And if, like many of my clients, the greatest discomfort for you is actually linked to rest and recovery, tap on that aversion until you begin to see by your improved results the crucial link between balancing periods of meaningful rest and your future expansion.

What do you think?
We would love to read your comments…

By Steve Wells

“It is only with the heart that you can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.”
- Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince

Emotional Freedom is neither a technique nor a set of techniques. Emotional Freedom may be the reason or the goal we are using our various techniques to achieve, but it’s a trap to assume that emotional freedom is somehow IN the techniques themselves. In fact, real freedom may exist independent of techniques. And when we look at what really produces our results, it may come from something other than the mechanical techniques. Or how could different people using the same techniques get different results?

In this article I want to do three things. The first is to consider this elusive concept of “emotional freedom” and try to define it. The second is to separate this from being the sole province of any specific technique and point out the dangers of doing so. And third, I want to draw your attention to other seemingly hidden factors which are crucial to achieving the results we desire, the hidden factors which facilitate the transfer of energy and emotion between people.

EFT is just a technique

The basic recipe in EFT is just a technique. In its original form it is actually a very mechanical process. SET in its most basic form of tapping on energy points, could be considered the same. As could TFT and TAT among other Energy Psychology techniques. You can use these tools to assist you to achieve emotional freedom. But on their own they are just mechanical sets of steps to follow. So how can they be used to help bring about emotional freedom?

First we’d better get clear on our goal…

What is emotional freedom?

Many people define emotional freedom as freedom from ever having or experiencing negative emotions. They seem to see it as a state where you only feel good and you never feel bad. But how can that be freedom?

If I am fearful of my negative emotions and only allowed to think and feel good things, am I really free?

Is emotional freedom about freedom from emotion, or freedom of emotion? Surely the latter, otherwise we shut down or constrain our capacity to feel.

Is emotional freedom about never having or experiencing negative emotions, or is it about being able to flow with those emotions and learn from them? Again, surely the latter, or else how can we grow?

To me, emotional freedom isn’t about having to avoid what concerns us – to me you are emotionally free when you can face up to what used to upset you and it has no emotional hooks in you and thus no longer controls you.

Here’s how I currently define emotional freedom:

Emotional freedom is a state of being free from the limiting effects of negative emotions, and emotional attachments generally. It is not a place where you do not experience negative emotions, but is a space where you are not emotionally attached to them, stuck by them or stuck in them… It is a state where you are free to be moved by or to flow with all of your emotions, without being hooked into having to react in certain ways by them.

So let’s look again at using techniques to assist us to achieve emotional freedom.

If emotional freedom is the overall goal then should we not be focusing on that rather than being tied to any specific technique for achieving it? Otherwise if we only have one tool or one way of using it perhaps we are the ones without freedom … Like the old cliché: If your only tool is a hammer then you tend to treat every problem as if it is a nail.

To the extent that EFT (or any other Energy Technique) assists us or our clients to achieve greater emotional freedom then it is useful. But the tool isn’t the important thing, the outcome for the client is.

When we become wedded to one technique only we may lose sight of our real goal

If tapping is our only tool for every problem is there not a danger of treating people as nails to be tapped on? And is there not also a danger that we may eschew (shun or avoid) other potentially useful treatments that may also contribute to their (our) emotional and physical freedom? Another danger, perhaps more insipid, is that we forget about the other contributors towards the outcomes we get, such as the role of relationships, and the role of our own energy and emotion.

Here’s an important question when it comes to using these techniques with other people:

How important is the technique itself and how important are other factors to achieving the outcomes we are after?

Importance of the relationship

In all the research on therapeutic outcomes, the one thing that stands out is a factor called the therapeutic alliance. This is a fancy term used to describe the quality of the relationship between therapist and client. Independent of what approach to therapy is being researched, therapeutic alliance repeatedly comes out on top as the biggest factor contributing towards success.

But does this apply to Energy Techniques?

When Callahan introduced TFT (the precursor of EFT) to the world, he introduced it as a technique that worked independently of the rapport or relationship between therapist and client. Fred Gallo says similarly in his book Energy Psychology when he states that rapport appears to have little to do with the effectiveness of these procedures; and that they do not appear to be a necessary or sufficient condition for therapeutic effectiveness, although he does concede that rapport may be useful in itself and “may also enhance the therapeutic effectiveness of these methods”.

I believe the therapeutic factor of rapport and the relationship between practitioner and client in Energy Psychology results has been under-recognised. But here I am talking about a deeper level and definition of the term rapport. In fact, I believe from my own experience with clients that much of what has been called “psychological reversal” could be attributed to a resistance borne out of lack of rapport, lack of a strong connection and/or lack of acceptance by practitioner and/or client, and that by focusing on developing our rapport, connection, and acceptance we will get better results.

What is the evidence for this?

Firstly, the fact that different people using the same techniques get different results. If it were just down to mechanical technique, shouldn’t all results be the same? In one university research study on EFT treatment of public speaking fears , therapist factors were clearly evident: Some therapists were achieving superior results. What is the difference that makes a difference here? My discussion with the researchers suggests that skill in gaining rapport and capacity to work with different people was a crucial factor.

Secondly, let’s look at the differences in results that WE get with different clients. What is the difference that makes a difference in those results? In my own case I can recall a large number of cases where the defining factor was the level of rapport and acceptance which we achieved. I say “we” here because I see therapy as a joint effort between client and practitioner. When I look at clients with whom my results were less positive I can often pinpoint a difficulty in rapport and connection as the culprit.

Thirdly, let’s look at the progress of these techniques in the world. I contend that one of the primary reasons that EFT has gone further than has TFT in general acceptance comes down to Gary Craig’s awareness of the importance of rapport and use of this in both his writings and his workshops. Gary has endeared himself to many people by showing he can “speak their language” and understand their concerns – and his work with clients shows a highly developed capacity for achieving rapport. The term itself, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is itself more user-friendly.

What about the Art of Delivery?

Gary in his workshops and DVD’s has often discussed “the art of delivery” as being what separates those who get great results from the simply good or mediocre practitioners. But what is “the art of delivery” and what is it about this which produces the biggest part of the results? Does it come down to the tapping part of the equation? It can’t do. When you look at Gary work he is tapping on the same points as other practitioners, and often in the same order. But his results are clearly superior.

Let’s take a closer look at Gary’s work. What is really being taught here? At a simple level of analysis, you could look at the tapping. At another level you can observe the synchrony of the language Gary uses when working with clients. He uses language which “resonates” for the client, and he tends to adapt his style and language to them. Look deeper and you will see how he uses his voice and body to engage with the client. His body orientation is clearly open and positive and towards his clients. And his voice and language style shows care and concern. All of which is about rapport. However, to me this is still at a more “surface” level.

The level where change happens

The deeper level of analysis cannot always be seen. It needs to be felt. Sure, it is reflected in the words, the language, the body and the voice. But it is not something which can always be picked up from a DVD, which is one thing which makes me sceptical that DVD training will ever be the main way for learning it.

I think it is based in Gary’s feelings and intentions towards his clients.

I contend that it is the beautiful way of being with another person that is on display that represents Gary’s most powerful teaching.

Without the rapport, connection, love and compassion displayed by Gary in his sessions I contend that others will not get the same results. I think it is the transfer of this feeling energy between the practitioner and client where the more profound results really come.

This is not just “the art of delivery” in terms of the mechanical application of a set of techniques or even the fact that you match your presentation to the client. It is about something much stronger. Like love. Acceptance. And human connection. A loving connection combined with healing intention that transfers healing energy.

Ask anyone who has worked with Gary and they will tell you that they felt these things. These things which are not really things, things which exist independently of technique.

I defy anyone to get the same results without them.

Some years ago, I came across this quote by Stephen Covey which has stayed with me as a guiding principle ever since: “Only basic goodness gives life to technique.”

That’s the difference right there between the tappers who are mechanically following a formula and the elite performers in the Energy world.

You might as well know right now that everyone I know in this world who is producing superior results in helping their clients to change using Energy Techniques has developed some kind of spiritual basis to the work they do.

And here I am not talking about the province or doctrine of any particular religion.

More that they are consciously aware of the flow of energy within and between themselves and the client. They know that their positive intention or wish for the client, their acceptance of the client, their – dare I say it – love for the client, and the energetic connection they achieve with the client are crucially affecting every result they get.

There, I’ve said it.

What do you think?

Develop your capacity to use energy for emotional healing in a live workshop. Click here: http://www.eftdownunder.com/events.html