Using EFT and SET With Children
Listen to an EFT Radio interview with Steve Wells on Helping Kids to Overcome Anxiety Using Simple Energy Techniques and EFT
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Using EFT With Your Own Children
Family Circle Article on Helping Your Kids to be Happy
A "must" EFT procedure for children
10-Year old Josh Learns Multiplication Tables Rapidly
Using EFT With Your Own Children
By Steve Wells
Using EFT with your own children can be a most rewarding experience. It can also be extremely frustrating. Here are a couple of things I have learned from using EFT with my own children.
- You need to learn EFT well and do it on yourself first. If it isn't working, I would suggest this is the first place you should look, particularly with younger children. They tend to be intimately tied to your own emotional state to determine how they are going to feel. Remember, emotions get transferred between people when we interact, and children are often like tuning forks for our emotional states...
Case in point. One night my son Joshua, age 6 at the time, was frightened to go into his room alone telling me he was scared there might be ghosts in there. After explaining that there were no ghosts, and that his light was still on - traditional linear parental logic - he still refused. I told him I would do "the tapping" on this for him to help him to be less afraid. He replied that the tapping would not work (I've found the Apex phenomena is rife even with young children!). I have tended to ignore such protests in the past as he has had excellent results from EFT even while protesting, "this won't work". I proceeded to rub on his sore spot and say, "Even though you're scared of ghosts, you're still a good kid." Following several rounds and no reduction in fear I, in my frustration, implemented plan B: Exposure treatment - "Feel the fear and do it anyway kid"! What followed was a very upset little boy who went to his room under extreme sufferance, which was followed by another performance when going to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and still more crying and upset over going to the toilet. Following this, and with me feeling like a total chump for forcing him to suffer so, I took a moment out to think and do some tapping on myself. Then, having produced a little necessary distance, I went and sat down on the bed with him and started to talk about what was scaring him.
As I was now no longer anxious about his anxiety (or as frustrated with it), I found I was available to listen to him more fully - and target the treatment towards his specific fears - and he was surprisingly more receptive to the EFT as well. He told me about a segment in a TV program with an airship full of ghosts. Not only the images but also what was said on the program had upset him. I asked if he would be able to focus on that while we did the tapping and he agreed. As he did so, I was able to realise that the slight distance I now had was crucial to getting this to work for him. I needed to be free of my own negative emotional states ABOUT his problem, in order to work with him ON his problem. Prior to this my emotions were clouding my responsivity - and even being transferred to him, short-circuiting our work together.
I believe if we *anxiously* tap with someone or on someone we greatly lessen our chances of a positive result - this is why I always tap along with my clients. I don't want my own state to interfere with their healing. Anyway, the conclusion to this story is that we were then able to proceed through several aspects, with me being respectful enough of my son to ask him at each point "What should we call that?" when we identified aspects to tap on, involving him more fully in the process.
5 rounds later and he went off to sleep. Problem solved - at least for now!
My advice to other parents and to therapists: Always always, always tap on yourself. I have experienced numerous situations where this has made all the difference.
- Treat yourself for the things your children do that upset you.
When my daughter was born, her particularly loud cry and inbuilt persistence had a significant negative effect on me. I found it mightily stressful to deal with her at these times of auditory assault. One day, while changing her nappy with her screaming and me getting upset, I realised I needed to do some tapping on myself for the effects this was having on me. A few rounds of tapping on the stress caused by her cries and I suddenly became aware of the wide variety of different cries she actually produced. Previously they were all the same - loud and intensely upsetting for me. Now I realised that some of her cries were due to real pain, some were due to frustration, some were from her simply wanting a little love and affection, etc, etc. Previously, they had all translated to me as intense pain. And that was painful for me to cope with - I wanted to immediately jump in and settle her down. Especially when a particularly tired girl could take up to an hour to settle herself down to sleep. After tapping on myself over her cry, I was able to realise that not all her cries required an immediate response, or the same type of response, or even any response at all on occasions. And I began to feel good about my little girl again. And the empowerment of being able to "stand in the heat" was highly significant for a father who never would have been able to cope with this without the tapping!
The above article has been adapted from Pocket Guide to Emotional Freedom by Steve Wells and Dr David Lake. For more information about this book, Click Here
Click here to review our special childrens book - Rose and the Night Monsters. This beautiful picture book offers a gentle way of introducing Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to young children. Exquisite photographic illustrations help children identify with the main character, Rose, as she learns EFT to help her overcome her night-time fears. It includes special guidelines for parents, teachers and counselors for using EFT to assist young children to overcome common emotional upsets.
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A "must" EFT procedure for children
by Gary Craig
(This article was originally published by Gary Craig in his email newsletter and is used with permission.)
I hope that someday the public media will pick up on this article and broadcast its benefits to the world. The idea, in my opinion, deserves a prominent place on "60 Minutes", "Oprah", and every parent/child oriented publication on the planet.
Properly done, this idea will launch our children into an adulthood filled with high levels of inner peace and self confidence. If every child was given these benefits our eventual opportunities for world peace would far exceed those promised by our military and its bombs and other threats. Indeed, if everyone received these benefits skillfully, our military, bombs and other threats would likely become unnecessary. War is not needed for those who truly have personal peace.
The Basic Idea:
The basic idea is simple. Every night, while children are being tucked into bed, parents should ask...
"Can you tell me about your good and bad thoughts as well as the good and bad things that happened to you today?"
Then, as the events are being told (both good and bad), the parents should lightly and lovingly either tap or gently rub the EFT points.
Experienced EFT'ers can readily see the benefit for tapping on the "bad" things (we'll talk about tapping on the "good" things later). As the child tells the story s/he is clearly "tuned into" the problem. Thus tapping on the EFT points is likely to resolve the issues or, at the very least, lighten their impacts on the child.
This is critical for children because they are constantly picking up "stuff" from parents, teachers, peers, television and so on. These inputs go on daily and accumulate over the years to fill what we adults often call our "emotional garbage bags." If these inputs go unresolved, of course, they form unnecessary "limits" and thwart the attainment of our true potentials. These unnecessary fears, guilts, griefs and traumas often have a thunderous effect on our "adult realities" and cost us dearly in both our personal peace and our pocketbooks.
Some examples of the "bad" things children might bring up would be....
"Daddy scared me when he yelled at me."
"I saw a monster eating people on television."
"My teacher doesn't think I'm very smart."
"I can't run as fast as Jimmy."
"Donna is prettier than me."
"The minister said I have to be perfect or God won't love me."
There are, of course, thousands of other examples that establish themselves as uninvited guests in children's psyches. Most of them are fictions and, arguably, have a far greater impact on how a child's life unfolds than does their education.
Alert parents have an obvious opportunity to ward off these "self confidence suckers" on a daily basis. Further, the process can be very nurturing for both parents and children because children love to be touched (tapped, rubbed) in loving ways. As you are loving your (our) children in this way, you can ask them more questions about "what happened today" and get even deeper into the issues. Further, you can offer reframes (alternative thinking) while doing EFT which are much more likely to be effective than if you were just bringing them up in normal conversation.
This whole process is also useful for pre-verbal infants. Even though infants are not able to tell you what is bothering them, the mere fact that they are crying or exhibiting other signs of distress tells parents that something (e.g. a fear, trauma or physical discomfort) needs to be resolved. During these times of distress the infant is "tuned into" the problem and thus primed for EFT. The addition of EFT tapping to the usual "there-there's" and other soothing language is likely to pay major long term dividends.
You may have noticed that I didn't include the EFT Setup phrasing within this process. It would be useful to fit it in, of course, although children seem to be in less need of it than adults. When adding it in you might wish to use the language below (children light up when saying it)....
"Even though I have this ___________________, I'm still an awesome kid."
As mentioned earlier, I think it is useful to tap the EFT points even while the child is talking about their "good" thoughts and happenings for the day. Properly done, the parental EFT'ing can add a soothing element to the discussion. Further, even though the child is discussing something positive, there is often a "comparing negative" behind it. For example, if the child says...
"My teacher complimented me today in front of the whole class."
....the comparing negative behind it might be...
"But sometimes she scolds children or ignores them and I am afraid that will happen to me."
In this case, even though the tapping is done on the "good" statement by the teacher, it is also likely to reduce the fear involved in the comparing negative. Thus, applying EFT to both the "good" and the "bad" items is likely to provide substantial benefits across the board.
Of course, we are all children (even though some of us have developed a few wrinkles) and thus this article need not be limited to a specific age group. Wouldn't it be nice, whatever your age, for someone to ask you about your childhood "stuff"? And wouldn't it be even nicer to resolve those issues daily? Maybe you could trade this favor with someone or just simply go through the process solo.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
To read more articles by Gary Craig visit his website at http://www.emofree.com
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10-Year Old Josh Learns Multiplication Tables Rapidly
by Steve Wells
One evening our 10-year old son Josh told us over dinner that his teacher was threatening to send him down to the lower math class due to his continuing poor performance in mental math tests (You remember those tests you did at the start of math class where the teacher called out math problems and you had to solve them in your head and put down the answers). Josh had received just 4 out of 10 on the test that day and had been told that unless he received 7 out of 10 on the next day's mental math test he would be sent down to the lower class. He was very concerned about this because the teacher told him that "all the other class do is worksheets all day".
We were concerned about the teacher's approach however we decided to assist Josh as much as we could. Since the mental math questions were mainly based on multiplication tables we decided to see if we could practice those tables with Josh in preparation for the next day's test. The tables Josh didn't know were 6x 7x 8x and 9x.
My wife taught Josh a simple process for remembering 9x tables and he seemed to pick this up fairly well. However, he still had all those other tables to learn and the test was the next day. Fortunately for him the teacher was away sick the next day and he had a reprieve! The next night I sat down with Josh to teach him the other tables.
As soon as I sat down with Josh and started to ask him about his tables I saw him do a big sigh and go into a low energy state. In this state he wasn't able to recall any of the tables we were working on and it was clear that this negative state was affecting his performance at school. As I saw him sigh again I said "this is the real problem - that bad feeling you are having" and asked him if he would like to try tapping on it to see if he could feel better about doing his tables. He's very receptive to EFT now since I have used it with him since he was 3 years old so he readily agreed.
As I tapped on the points for him I was simultaneously talking with him about his math and about what he was feeling. He said he was worried about going down to the lower class, so we did some tapping on that (Mostly we were doing continual tapping as we talked about things rather than formal set-ups, although each time he came up with another aspect we did an initial set up on that aspect). He then went on to tell me that he had felt bad about the teacher yelling at him and we did some more tapping on the hurt and scared feelings about that. During the time we were tapping he also remembered some other times that the teacher had yelled at him and we did some tapping for the feelings caused by those incidents. All in all we did about 15-20 minutes of tapping on specific aspects, then we did some continual tapping as we practiced the 6x tables. I was surprised that Josh learnt his 6x tables completely in a matter of minutes!
The next day Josh's teacher was still away, however the relief teacher did a mental math test with the class. Josh came home to announce proudly that he had achieved 45 out of 50 and told us that he'd been surprised to find that the entire test seemed like it was almost completely based on the 6x tables! I began to think that the universe was on our side as I congratulated him for his success.
That night we did another session of teaching him the 7x and 8x tables. Again, we did continual tapping on the points while we went through the tables, while I encouraged him to recite and visualise the tables in his head, and while I tested him. And again I was completely amazed that he was able to learn the whole lot in a time period of about 20 minutes! This more than any other experience taught me that when we are emotionally open and ready to learn we are capable of learning incredibly quickly.
Again the teacher was away so we were fortunate to have another night to practice tables with Josh, although now all we were doing was testing him - He no longer needed to program the tables into his mind, just to recall them with fluency.
The next day Josh came home to announce that the teacher was at school and he had achieved 10 out of 10 on the mental math test! Although he knew he was still under threat if he didn't continue to perform his new-found confidence was clearly evident. The next day Josh achieved 8 out of 10 on the test and cemented his place in the class.
A few days later my wife was dropping Josh off at school and the teacher happened to mention how pleased and surprised he was about Josh's instant turn-around. During the course of the conversation he mentioned the "threat" and apologised for it, telling her that he had made it out of frustration and hadn't realised what a strong effect it might have on Josh. Later she and I both met with the teacher and shared with him that having experienced our own frustrations with Josh at times we could afford to be forgiving on this point. He was relieved, as his intentions had been positive and he'd really just wanted to motivate Josh to improve.
In our meeting and in his discussion with my wife, he pointed out that Josh was not only performing better but that his entire attitude and demeanour in the classroom had changed. This change had also spread into other areas of schoolwork and his general preparedness and personal organisation had improved also.
Josh has continued to improve and just a couple of months later he received an honour certificate at the school assembly for "Instant and significant improvement in mental math work." His school report at the end of the year also praised his "dramatic improvement in math performance throughout the year". The best thing of all however is that he no longer sighs when thinking or talking about mental math - in fact he beams whenever he talks about it!
At the end of the year my wife and I were reflecting on the year we'd had. We asked Josh what had been the highlights of his year. Apart from our big family holiday in the USA do you know what was the next thing he mentioned? "Finally learning my tables!"
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