Relationships

By Dr David Lake

My own definition of the goal of relationship is a devotional friendship, where the wounds from the poison of criticism are healed by compassionate acceptance. I advise the use of EFT and a lot of common sense whenever men and women (or gay partners) get together!

The reality of dealing with problems means that all the solutions depend on your personal growth and capacity for bearing with the hurt of change.

Finally this is a spiritual path toward unconditional love, usually only reached after giving and receiving large amounts of the conditional kind. Your partner's happiness becomes the important part of your own happiness.

So often the most difficult thing is to accept the partner the way they are, without judging, or wanting to change them.

My wife has taught me the mysteries of acceptance, and our four daughters have taught me the female dialect. Naturally I take the credit for the results of this intensive training. Now-despite being confused on a very high level- I know enough to be dangerous.

EFT

This is a radical but simple method of releasing toxic feeling by stimulating the meridian system (of acupuncture and acupressure) while accessing the problem. It is amazingly effective for anxiety and fear. As well as being very safe and easy to learn, it is a very "forgiving" technique-anyone can learn it. The originator, Gary Craig, describes it as a "universal healing aid".

By integrating cognitive and other therapies with this stimulation it is common to find an approach like EFT tends in most cases to minimize or even eliminate excessive negative emotion.

In relationship issues it can be used as 'first aid' for hurt and tension, or to facilitate communication and promote acceptance. It helps to deal with the emotional blocks and negative beliefs that shape our life outside our awareness.

Provocative Energy Techniques

The uncovering in my work utilizes the paradoxical style of provocative therapy. My approach is a light-hearted one which is both respectful and compassionate to the couple experiencing universally common issues. This provocative style involves working with the "dark side" of the person's life-with rapport and empathy-while defusing the intensity of the presenting problem.

My approach to using EFT with the difficulties couples experience is to encourage joint use of continual meridian stimulation, whilst uncovering the personal blocks to mutual acceptance. Although these blocks manifest as irritation, criticism and resentment in the relationship, EFT functions both as an immediate antidote and a healing modality for work on yourself -how you cope with your reactions to the partner's behaviour. This healing transformation is most marked when couples, after preliminary teaching and practice, "tap" on each other simultaneously.

The results of such an approach are disproportionately effective, when compared to my traditional couples work. I have observed that the mutual guided tapping usually reaches a deep level of connection so rapidly, that I think it bypasses the judging mind altogether. In this way meridian stimulation offers an opportunity to move through chronic difficulties-toward acceptance

Workshops

If you would like to have some fun while you address the most heartfelt problems you have with others, come and be part of this workshop. Those without personal problems need not attend! We cover the secret of happiness, the meaning of life, and how to stay together with the one you love-all in the first hour!

Our workshops about relationships and personal transformation will show you three approaches in one:

1. The meridian Energy techniques known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
2. The "style" of Provocative Therapy (originally developed by Frank Farrelly)
3. The integration of these- Provocative Energy Techniques (PET) - with my approach to relationship.

The emphasis here is on practical understanding-how to use EFT as self-help in relationship. There are demonstration sessions with couples, group EFT sessions, lectures and handouts. You will learn many "short-cuts" and refinements from us for using these new treatments, that make personal work easier.

For details of workshops and a current schedule see the workshop calendar.

More on EFT / PET and Relationships:

For some great articles on using EFT / PET in relationships click here.

Relationship Book:

Dr David Lake's new manual "She'll be Right: Why Men Aren't Getting it" will help both men and women to achieve the relationship success they desire. For more information click here.

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