By Steve Wells
If you've been thinking about what you want to change or achieve this year, you're not alone.
The beginning of a new year is a time when many people reconsider their goals, what they want to do, have, and be.
And then there’s the dreaded should.
Let me ask you a question: How many of your goals for this year already have “should” attached to them?
For example, most people who set New Year’s resolutions aim to save money, lose weight or get in shape. These areas are ripe for “should” motivation because they are all about what you should be doing not necessarily what you want to be doing.
“Should” motivation doesn’t last, that’s why gyms have a massive decrease in traffic after the first 2 months of the year.
You see, nobody does what they should do, they only do what they want to do, or what they have to do.
Read that again: Nobody does what they should do, they only do what they want to do or what they have to do.
If you don’t want to do it, or you don’t have to do it, you aren’t going to do it.
Not consistently anyway.
So, my first piece of advice if you want to have a great year this year is to find out what you really want to do and do that!
Ok, it’s not always that simple (although sometimes it is, sometimes it is just a matter of stopping and asking yourself what you want and deciding to have it and do it and be it).
If you really want to be happy, you may need to dig a little deeper, however, to find out what you really want at your core.
This means uncovering your true values, what’s really important to you.
Values are the key
Values are those more important outcomes that achieving a goal is going to give you, such as freedom, security, love, joy, fun, acceptance, adventure, challenge, and so on.
Ask yourself the values question: What’s most important to me?
Then design your goals around the answers.
Happiness comes when you are aligned with your true values.
And since by my definition values are your strongest emotional drivers if you tap into what you really want then you have the energy of that to drive your actions.
So, if you aren’t doing what you should do, ask yourself if this is really what you want to do. If you can’t find a reason why you really want to do it then consider setting a new goal to do what you really want instead, something that reflects a really important value for you.
But Steve, you say, it isn’t that easy, I do want the result, I just don’t want to do what I’d have to do to get there!
Boy, I hear you!
Yes, there are some things we want that to get there we may have to do some things we don’t really want to do.
May.
That’s the first thing to consider: Will you really have to do that? Or is that just a projection your mind is creating to keep you stuck.
Ask yourself if there might be an easier way to get there. You might find you don’t really have to do what you thought you had to.
But let’s assume you’ve done that, and the grim reality is you still will need to do some things you don’t want to do in order to get what you want.
That is true of most people on the planet and resistance to doing those things is holding most people back from saying 100% YES to their dreams.
What’s the solution?
Well, actually, there’s several:
Number one, focus on what you DO want, the ultimate result you are after. Keep that in your sights when you need to take action, so the feeling of success drives you.
Number two, focus on how it’s going to feel when it’s done rather than how hard it’s going to be doing it. Some tasks aren’t pleasant to do but it feels great to have them done, and focusing on that feeling can be motivating enough to get you to do them.
Number three, use tapping, particularly Intention Tapping / IEP to release your emotional attachments and the discomfort you link to taking action (Find out more about IEP here). This will likely reveal a lot of false BS (Belief Systems), and once you free yourself from this you might find that doing it ain’t so bad after all.
Number four, and this may sound counter-intuitive, if you have done all of the above and you are still stuck, try releasing your emotional attachments to the goal itself.
It’s quite likely you have some mixed emotional attachments to your goal. Ask yourself if you really really want it, if it is 100% YES! or only 80% YES or Yes-No or even YES-No-Maybe.
Consider what might be the downside of achieving your goal and do some tapping and releasing on that.
I couldn’t count the number of people I’ve coached who had mixed associations to success where part of them was pulling in one direction and part of them was pulling in a different direction. A bit like driving a car with the handbrake on.
Number five, and this may sound even more counter-intuitive, if you still find that your flow is impeded and you aren’t moving forward, identify the values linked to your goal and release your emotional attachments to them!
You may find that the values that you’ve been seeking to achieve are not actually your own, and that you have inadvertently attached to someone else’s values, such as the values of your parents, and therefore achieving the value is really just a hidden “should” based on seeking their approval.
I still remember the light that shone from one lady’s face in one of my workshops when she realised she could live her life by her own values and set goals based on them. It’s something that’s always seemed self-evident to me.
However, even I have to admit that until I did some tapping on my own values, I didn’t realise I was emotionally attached to some of my parent’s values in ways that were detrimental to my own wellbeing.
So, I highly recommend this process.
And this leads into my final and biggest suggestion to help you succeed this year:
You see, I believe you don’t really need to put anything into yourself to make yourself better. You need to release what’s holding you back, causing you to spin your wheels and making you second guess yourself.
So here it is, my biggest suggestion for your success this year:
Identify all your “shoulds” and release your emotional attachments to them.
Ask yourself what you should be doing that you are not doing, and what you should not be doing that you are doing. And release your emotional attachments to all of them.
Include all the fears that if you release those attachments, you’ll become bad or unmotivated or WHATEVER!
Here’s the quick 6-step process:
1. Identify your shoulds: What are all the things you should be doing and should not be doing?
2. Start with the first or strongest one and make this intention statement, while tapping:
“I release all my emotional attachments to the belief that I should…”
It might help here to add the “Or else…” to the end of your should statements. There’s always a negative consequence that we fear that is supposed to motivate us to do them.
For example: I should work out at least five times each week or I will become overweight and unfit and unwell and die from a heart attack.
3. Keep tapping and wait for the next aspect to arise, which may be a thought, an image, a feeling, body sensation, memory, symbol…
4. Whatever it is, when it arises now target that with the intention tapping.
If you notice a body feeling use this intention while tapping:
“I restore the right emotional balance and flow to (this body area)”
5. Once again, keep tapping and notice whatever comes next, whether thought or feeling or sensation, and go with that as the next aspect to treat.
6. Keep going until you free up your energy and experience more inner freedom.
Free yourself to be who you are so you can live your own unique life your way.
I realise that the process I’ve skipped through above is not as straight forward as I've made it sound, especially if you're not used to this work. Also, like everything that works, you actually need to do it for it to work for you, and most of us won’t do that on our own.
We all need other people, and if I can be that support for you, or link you to the support of others via my workshops, online group coaching, or individual coaching, I’ll consider it a privilege.
You can find out about upcoming programs here
I also want to mention here some special Tapping into YES workshops I’ll be doing jointly with Brad Yates.
These are the first joint live events we've ever offered and I jknow they are going to be inspiring, fun and life-changing. The super early-bird discounts for our US and Australian workshops expire at the end of this month, so please take advantage while you can and get $200 discount on the full fee.
You can find more and sign up at these links:
I hope to see you there!
Warmly,