By Steve Wells
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
When I was 17 years old I was inspired after reading a copy of Think and Grow Rich. I followed its formula, and turned my high school studies from failure to success. I became evangelical about helping others to do the same and studying psychology was the first vehicle by which I saw I could do this. I had found some powerful ways to change my life I wanted to share them with others and help them too.
But there was a problem.
For some reason some people resisted my enthusiastic approach. At times I was more motivated to change than my clients were. And we often ended up playing the "Yes, but..." game.
Everyone knows this game, from parents to counsellors to business leaders: It's where you suggest positive ways they can change and they strenuously and depressingly support the status quo. You work with them to develop an agreed plan of action and for some reason they don't follow it. You try to get them to see how their whole life can get better and they for some reason cling to the belief that things can only get worse. The more positive you are the more negative some people become. This cycle can become depressing, a recipe for burnout for all change agents.
Then I discovered Provocative Therapy and Brief Strategic Therapy.
These approaches seemed to do the exact opposite of my previous direct approach. Instead of encouraging people to change, they help people change by encouraging them to stay the same. I started to learn the fascinating paradox that when you skilfully encourage people to keep doing what is causing the problem they somehow become more free to see how they can change things. It didn't make total sense to me at the time. But it worked. When I started experimenting with these approaches they dramatically increased my effectiveness.
Then in 1988 I went to a Provocative Therapy workshop and experienced a session with Frank Farrelly the creator of this approach. And I have never been the same since.
Farrelly says Provocative Therapy is like "playing the devil's advocate whilst being on the side of the angels". While on the surface this approach can seem like a type of reverse psychology, I learned on the very first day that there is much more going on beneath the surface that accounts for its effectiveness. I call it the difference that makes the most difference. When you learn it too, your results with other people will go through the roof.
What is it?
It's the power of an open-heart connection.
In my first session with Frank Farrelly I felt it immediately. I was blown away, astounded at how completely he understood me, in seconds, not minutes. Even more, I was totally enveloped in the healing warmth, acceptance, and love which radiated out from him. It felt like coming home. Like I WAS home. And I had a front row seat at my own personal comedy show where I was the central character! It was deeply personal, profoundly moving, and incredibly healing.
In life, there are people who know you care because they can see it in how you look at them and what you do for them, there are those who know you care because of what you say to them and how you say it, and there are those who know you care because of how you touch them. Then there is another group of people, who can feel your heart energy directly. Ultimately, everybody can learn to do this but currently only a few know how.
For many years, I thought I always worked with my heart open, but I was wrong. Fortunately, I've had teachers who helped me to get it. Frank was one. David Lake was another. And a mad crazy woman at one of our London workshops who I originally thought was attacking me helped me to feel it. Since then I've used my heart energy directly in my work and the results are like chalk and cheese compared to what I could achieve before.
This heart energy is at the core of Provocative Energy Techniques (PET), the unique approach which Dr David Lake and I developed which combines the humorous and provocative techniques of Provocative Therapy, Milton H. Erickson's therapy, and Brief Strategic Therapy with our own energy tapping approach, Simple Energy Techniques (SET). It's a powerful combination that often leads to profound emotional shifts.
Consider this excerpt from Caroline, a participant at one of our workshops:
“When Steve motioned me to come before the group for a PET demonstration, my heart was pounding. He then asked me what I wanted to work on. I replied that “I’m very talented for depression” and I felt the sadness beginning to overwhelm me and I started to feel the sobs rising and shaking me. While tapping, Steve in his inimitable style and with lots of love began to imitate the movements of my body shaken by sobs, and says, “Looks like a car that is misfiring to start”.
The audience and I were quite sure rocked with laughter. What was not visible from the outside but very strong inside, was the sensation of pain mixed with laughter. With equal intensity. I felt his look of love and his presence in this moment of most intense pain. He was there with me. Once in a while I was a little embarrassed to have an audience of 130 people on the side but I was trying to welcome something that was beginning to happen in myself. Steve kept looking at me in silence. We tapped continuously. In silence. And gradually as time passed, I felt Steve’s love into my heart I felt someone’s love for me for the first time in my life. Pure love. He looked at me as no one had ever looked at me. It was extremely beautiful and deliciously soothing.
I left this demonstration rebuilt, touched in my heart, a place I did not know. I felt that my heart had opened to love and it is still open a year later, much bigger. So I say thank you, Steve, and thank you, PET.”
Here's the response of an 81-year old blind man after a PET session examining his inner struggle with life vs death over many years including an attempted abortion from his mother, time on the front line in the war during which he was blinded by a bomb, among other things:
“After this procedure I feel a deep openness and love for life.”
This despite the fact that most of my language during our session was humorously "agreeing" with the doom and gloom side of his life vs. death philosophy.
It's a transmission
Frank Farrelly the creator of Provocative Therapy didn't just talk about having an open heart chakra, he demonstrated it with every client. His warmth, open heartedness, and good humour filled the room and by the end of the workshop everyone could feel it. THAT is what I want to emulate, not simply techniques. I read this quote often, and especially before demonstrating PET:
I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains—but if I have no love, I am nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:2)
Provocative Energy Techniques (PET) - as with Provocative Therapy - is first and foremost a way of being in relationship with other person - which requires this strong heart connection. This is actually part of the healing. The nature of the communication is like the affectionate banter between very close friends.
You can learn to do this!
Because of its intimate connection to our very humanity, PET's powerful techniques can be used in any relationship context to enhance results. Parents, managers, leaders, teachers, coaches, and counsellors can all benefit from learning it.
PT and PET also help you to develop an inner freedom not tied to one way of responding and not tied to one set of techniques. There is also a lightness of being. We call it the provocative virus and once you are infected with it there is no cure.
It is actually relatively easy to play devil's advocate, or to use reverse psychology. However, without an open heart, a good connection, a deep acceptance of the other person, and an ongoing intention to empower them, the approach will fail and can even be destructive. It can be the easiest approach to get wrong. But if you always keep your heart open, attend to people closely, and maintain a strong connection, the approach is a joy for all to experience.
The benefits:
Used with an open heart and good connection the benefits of PET are immense. It can enhance all your relationships and bring a lightness of being into everything you do. Your interactions with all kinds of people become super-charged with a new level of realness, energy and fun.
If you are interested in learning more about PET the best way to really "get" it is to experience it. Once you've done so, you'll find it impossible to go back to more boring change methods!
Find out about upcoming PET training opportunities here
If you would like a PET Workshop in your area please write to us
We welcome anyone who wants to change and anyone who helps others - but the absolute essential is that you have a working sense of humour and not be offended by politically incorrect language and adult themes! Everything human is on the agenda at our workshops and PET often deliberately uses and exaggerates stereotypes and belief systems to get you thinking and feeling in new ways. It's funny and its quirky so you can expect to laugh at things that used to upset you, and even laugh at things that a while ago didn't seem all that funny. But most of all, be prepared for some open-heart therapy. If warmth in relationships is what you are looking for then we look forward to welcoming you home.