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By Steve Wells

Numerous new age and pop psychology authors and so-called experts insist that you should always frame your goals and affirmations in the positive because your unconscious mind “only thinks in positives”. So instead of thinking that you want to “lose weight” you are supposed to focus on being “fit and healthy at my desired weight”.

A similar pronouncement that is very popular right now since the publication of The Secret is that you are supposed to always feel good, because all negative emotions are vibrationally bad! So if you are feeling bad then you should immediately find something that makes you feel good to focus on…

This is going to shock many of you: Many very successful people regularly use what may appear to you to be negative statements and negative motivation with extremely positive results! And many many people can trace the day they turned their life around to the day they experienced a negative emotion.

How can this be? Because the key to the power of an affirmation is not in the statement itself, but in the energy it evokes and the actions it leads to. And all of our feelings have a place, and can ultimately lead us to wholeness if we allow them.

Let’s look at these one at a time…

Firstly, my studies of peak performers have revealed that it isn’t always necessary to frame things in the positive in order to get positive results. How silly really to think that our unconscious, or the universe, or God, or the universal intelligence, or whatever you understand it/s/he as doesn’t understand always what we really mean when we make a request.

Try this on for size:

Who is the richest man in the world at the moment? That’s right, Warren Buffet. (Ok if you read this in a few years time his position may have changed, but in 2008 the richest person in the world is Warren Buffet, and his level of success has endured for quite some time.).

Let’s look at Warren Buffet as a role-model for getting massive financial results… Well if you know anything about Buffet then surely you know his number 1 rule, don’t you? You don’t? Well here it is: Don’t lose money! That’s right, the richest man in the world has a negatively worded mantra by which he lives his life and does business. Don’t lose money. This isn’t just something he thinks occasionally, it is what he keeps in front of him all the time. But how can this be? Shouldn’t negatively worded mantras like this lead to negative results? Not so.

The positive thinkers of this world will have you believe that there is only one way to succeed, and it is by always thinking positively. However, anyone who does a true assessment of successful people in any field will find that they have a variety of temperaments, that the positivity of their thinking does not reliably predict success for other than a small group of them.

Let me be clear here, I am not totally debunking positive thinking or saying that it doesn’t have positive aspects for many people! What I am saying is that the power of your own negative thinking in preventing your success has been overestimated. The difference that makes a real difference in the world of results is action, not (just) the way you think!

Chin Ning Chu, bestselling author of Thick Face Black Heart, puts it this way:

“Success comes to some of the most negative people as well as the most positive ones. Success has more equal vision and less prejudice than the positive thinking theory promoted by some people.”

Chu refers to the example of the commercial airliner, pointing out that every day hundreds of commercial jets take off, each with hundreds of passengers aboard, and a certain percentage of these passengers are entertaining the possibility of an airplane crash, yet this doesn’t happen. As she points out, “If your power of negative thinking is as powerful as you have imagined, with the collective negative power among the passengers, we might never have a successful landing.”

The practical outcome of movies such as The Secret and the rash of books that have hit the bookstores since is that many thousands, perhaps millions of people are now worrying about their every negative thought. Relax.

As Mark Twain said late in his life, “I am an old man and have known many troubles, but most of them never happened.” That’s because most of the things we worry about DON’T happen. What does that tell you? We have invested a great deal of our energy worrying about thoughts that have no real power. The only power they can have is the power we give them. And even if we do have those thoughts the thoughts alone won’t necessarily have much effect on what happens in the world.

Ok, I know there are some exciting experiments being conducted on intention and basically “mind over matter”. I also know that there is a great difference between a worrying thought and a deliberate intention to manifest something. The latter potentially has power outside ourselves (non-local mind), the former typically has only inner (or more local) effects.

Chu encourages us to “free yourself from the trap that says, ‘change comes before success’.”

Now this is a biggie. In the world of Energy Techniques like EFT, SET, and so on, I see it arise continually as: “I have to tap away all my negativity before I can get into action.” Well lots of luck because if you go on a search and destroy mission for all your negative parts, you’ll find an endless array of distracting negative parts all preventing you from doing the one thing you know you really need to do in order to get results in the area of your greatest desire and that is to TAKE ACTION!

Now I am not saying that tapping won’t help. What I am saying is that someone who adopts the “Feel the fear and do it anyway” approach and gets into action will generally outperform someone who waits until they have fully treated every fear before ever taking a step.

Ultimately I believe that we should both release our blocking feelings and take action on our greatest desires. In the past I would’ve encouraged all my clients to treat the fear first, but I’ve since seen tapping used so much as an excuse for inaction that I now encourage people to go forward and tap as they go using SET.

Here’s another one:

The “positive thinkers” of this world are all faking it to various degrees. If you could see them “behind closed doors” you would see a person surprisingly like yourself, with human faults and failings, and even the presence of self-doubt. Read between the lines of their books, get “Up close and personal” with them and you will see their clay feet… This applies to all EFT experts and those at the highest level in the Energy Healing world. And yes it applies to us; although we have never pretended to be perfect it is still the case that people expect us to have no problems and are surprised to hear that we still have challenges in our lives…

From a recent workshop: “You guys must just be so centered and have no problems after using these techniques for so long.” Response: “Wrong! Are we freer and more centered than we were before learning these techniques? Immeasurably! Are we perfect and free of emotional upsets? No way! Does tapping work for us or our clients on everything? No! Do we always use it even when we know we should? Often, but not always…”

Ok, let’s look briefly at the issue of feeling good versus feeling bad.

Aren’t you always supposed to be feeling positive, isn’t the message of The Secret that only positive feelings will lead to positive results, and negative feelings are inherently BAD? Not necessarily. Used properly, our negative emotions can be powerful stimulants to positive change, among other things.

I love what multimillionaire and business philosopher Jim Rohn has to say on this. In an interview in Entrepreneur with Robert McGarvey, Jim relates how his experience of self-disgust led him to change his life. He tells a story I’ve heard him tell in his seminars of how years ago he became disgusted with himself for lying to a Girl Scout who came to his door selling cookies, saying that he’d already bought some. At the time he was too broke to afford even the pitiful $2 requested! Jim says although disgust is a negative emotion, it can be a powerful stimulus to change the day that you become disgusted with the way things are and resolve to change things. That incident was a turning point in his life because it led him to make a powerful resolution to change.

Now the most interesting part of the interview for me was the exchange that followed…

McGarvey: “Nowadays many of us have that kind of experience, and afterward we decide to "affirm" ourselves into prosperity by saying things like "I am living a wealthy, successful life." Does that work?

Rohn: Affirmations without disciplines are the beginning of delusion. I believe in affirmations if they are true. If you are broke, the best thing to affirm is "I am broke." Put that up on the refrigerator and see it every day until it becomes powerful enough to prompt you into a life change. Until you see the truth about your condition, positive thinking won't work. Listening to thousands of pre-conscious, subconscious, high-tech affirmations will not help. All you have to say is "I am not where I want to be in life, and something is wrong. What? Something is wrong with my philosophy." Once you understand that, your life can totally change.”

Over the years many many thousands of people have adopted Jim Rohn’s philosophies and put them to use successfully in their lives. If affirmations should always be worded positively, shouldn’t they have all experienced negative results? And if Jim Rohn had swallowed the philosophy that all negative emotions are the enemy and the best way forward is to immediately shift your focus to a positive emotion rather than allow yourself to experience the negative emotion, would he have made the positive changes he made that day? I think not.

So where does this leave us?

I believe the key is not so much the content of the affirmation or the intensity and charge of the feeling, but the MEANING you take from it and what you then do with this that makes the most difference in your life. I believe many of our problems in life are actually the result of RESISTING experiencing and learning from our negative emotions. Until we are willing to do so, many of our negative emotions may continue to haunt us, because what you resist tends to persist. This, of course, is where Energy Techniques and tapping come in, because tapping can help us to process the negative emotions associated with the situations we find ourselves in, and assist the emotion to move and flow through our system. When we do this successfully, we not only get the messages these feelings have to offer, we also gain access to the energy they contain, and ultimately we open up to a new level of freedom.


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23 Replies to “The Power of Negative Thinking and Negative Feeling”

Lena

Hi Steve,

These will be comments on both the 1st article in your newsletter and this one. First, i have recently attended Jeff Zeig’s Master Class workshop months ago (he’s brilliant!) and demo-ed EFT in front of him. He was impressed, but i kinda pushed beyond the client’s limits a bit too far for comfort and everyone was giving me that feedback, that i could have stopped the session earlier on. Wonder if i could have contributed to that one criticism he has of EFT users, and i do admit, i’m guilty of that – and yet, not that guilty cos i have seen much greater results with EFT than any other therapies, but i do also incorporate EFT in many therapies to keep it flexible.

Second, i am attending your workshop in Singapore and your article here really confirmed for me that no matter how pricey, i have to go cos i think i need to look at the whole picture more holistically, instead of subscribing to just one school of thought (and i’m also a sucker for positive thinking).

Third, this is off-topic, but i have gotten permission to sell an EFT-related product that i have recently been inspired to create at your workshop, and if there is a chance, i sure hope to show it to you for your feedback. I have many tappable issues abt this (confidence, authority figures, blah blah), and yes, i’m one of those pple who can use EFT as an excuse for inaction (oh i haven’t tapped yet, maybe i’ll do this another time), so with this article, i guess, fear or no fear, i’ll just do it.

I’m so looking forward to your workshop!

Luv, Lena

Sharon O'Hare

What you have said does make soooo much sense. This frees me up and lets me think in a more practical way. What is stopping me from advancing forward in my life. I am going to look deeper at where I am now at this bloody negative position I have got my self into at the moment and for a long time now. I mean yes tapping has indeed helped me in lots of ways however I am still stuck in this financial mess. So by taking a constructive critical look at how I got here may help me to move on quicker than trying so hard to just focus on the positives that just aren’t there or coming on to soon!

Ha Ha ha…you got me laughing with this one! Now what the heck do I do or think?!!mmmm

It sounds to me like Buffet’s “Don’t lose money” is actually a rule for himself, not a negative affirmation. By just following his rule he made decisions to match it with effective steps…and of course it worked for him!! If, however, he heard “don’t lose money you stupid dork” in his head, and that last part kept his focus…might have lost everything. I believe…at this moment…that it is the painful feeling states connected to WHATEVER that are the ‘tappers’,… or etc. Not the apparent conditions. (Perhaps the fears of us folks riding on airplanes is still less than the positivity of us getting on them!! Over and over!!) With clients I use the question , “Well, how do you want to feel instead about that?” “Why?” Seems to bring up many ‘judgements’ about feelings for tapping. It also takes us to places that might be ‘fun’ to go…thanks for your article. Cordially, Lynda

Thanks. Steve, for another interesting and thought provoking newsletter article.
Yes! The ‘negative’ experiences in our lives can be such a great engine for change. Once we get really very uncomfortable with our situation, we’re so conscious of how unpleasant it is (even desperate) that we will take actions that we may not have considered when we were less uncomfortable. In this way the ‘bad’ things we experience can be the greatest gift that was key to our moving on to a place of greater freedom in life…. otherwise known as having more fun!
The paradox is .. we want to ‘feel better’ in life so that we will never have to suffer, yet some of the greatest treasures we find in life are often found by walking through the s**t and coming out the other side!
By the way, anyone reading this, if you want to have the best laughs while walking through it get yourselves to one of Steve and David’s workshops! Yes fun can be had even while doing serious and very sensitive healing.
Love and blessings from the northern hemisphere
Ruth

Wonderful article! Thank you so much for writing it!!!
I have been using EFT by myself and with a professional for several years now and have cleared some truly major problems doing this. But I have still been experiencing paralyzing “Artists’ Block” – not a good thing if that is how you earn your living. Positive thinking has not changed that, tapping has not changed that (although I know that it has helped clear some of the blocks that created the condition). But I always felt like something was missing from the offered “solution”. While I could see and feel progress, I still was not working – with deadlines and bills piling up and resulting in further paralysis, etc.. The sad part is that I LOVE creating what I create and yet I was unable to get into my shop and work!!!
You hit on something SO very important and that hit me in my gut as a TRUTH. That is… ACTION! ACTION plus tapping feels more “complete”‘ as a solution to me than just tapping plus positive thinking.
Since I read your article 3 days ago, I’ve thought about this a lot. To my great surprise and delight, yesterday, for the first time in literally years, I found myself eagerly wanting to go into the shop and create. Not with the sick feeling of guilt, financial terror, and the “NEED” to do so – this was a feeling of JOY and delight of the process of creating what I do. So I did – and enjoyed EVERY minute of it. I have the same feeling today and am about to go into the shop and create as soon as I send this. This is a HUGE thing for me. I think that ACTION is not stressed enough by the whole positive thinking/Law of Attraction “world”.
Thank you so much for your very timely and well-thought out article.
All the best!
Lani

Good article Steve.
What we tend to forget is that the universe reflects our vibration back to us. We can’t hide anything from it even if we try – but try we do: I really DO want to earn more, be happy, etc. when in actual fact we are wrapped up in our private issues and affected by them. What Warren Buffet – Don’t lose money! – may be saying vibrationally is “I have plenty and I am earning even more” but we don’t know for certain.
One thing is certain however: like attracts like. I’ve had clients who have ‘attracted’ accidents to them because of the severe negative emotions building up prior to the accident. I’ve also seen the positive where life dramatically improves after moving into a different and higher vibration. When you are there things just smoothly happen for you, even to the extent of effortlessly finding a parking place when others are driving up and down searching in vain.
Yes, to get there we need action but to get the ball rolling is the hard job as most of us are not trained and educated in working out what’s wrong or not in harmony. Those of us who do recognise the negative are able to make that step forward into the positive, welcoming at the same time the signs we have been given to enable us to move on.
Basically, if it wasn’t for the negative, we wouldn’t know what the positive was. Been there, done it, don’t need to go back there, life’s great!
Cheers Steve!

Hello Steve,
Thanks for your last newsletter, the article on Jeff Zeig and Milton Erickson, (one of my Heroes) which triggered some thoughts regarding EFT and the expectations that many people have when using it.
As an EFT Master I have focussed my work almost exclusively over the last eight years with the techniques that Gary Craig has included in his collection of skills and techniques.
I teach people EFT in groups and in my one to one sessions and I have always loved the fact that I could give EFT to my clients and empower them to use Tapping as a tool for their own growth and healing, rather than have them dependent upon my skills to achieve their goals.
I have never encouraged anyone to use EFT exclusively for weight loss or emotional trauma, (or anything else) while I do encourage everyone to “try it on everything” as an emotional and energetic support for other practices.
One of my students remarked recently as she watched me work with ten clients in group sessions, that she wanted to step in and “fix” the client at times, and she was amazed at the results that were achieved without my attempting to fix or correct the client.
EFT has many techniques and many practitioners, not all of whom are as skilled or as open to adapting to the client’s needs as I would like, however as you and David demonstrate in your SET and PET training there are many ways to use Tapping. I have always felt that it was important to adapt my work to my client rather than try to fit the client into my work.
I support the whole being point of view when looking at one’s life. I have observed many of my clients doing things repeatedly that cause them pain in some way with similar results to your back pain.
If you don’t change the behavior you will keep getting the same results, and for many of us EFT will relieve the pain for the moment but we keep doing the thing that causes it and then we are surprised that we have to tap some more. This can apply to every area of life not just physical pain.
It seems that looking in one place for all the answers is a very human trait and one that limits the results we desire, another limiting factor is the common habit of cherry picking, or taking the bits of a system or philosophy that suit us and ignoring the rest.
Energy Therapies are extremely valuable in support of surgery, physiotherapy and other techniques such as Yoga, soft tissue bodywork and meditation.
Many hypnotherapists use EFT as well as a growing number of Psychotherapists, however it is still necessary to support our bodies with such physical things as you mention in your article. It is extremely unlikely that one could sit and tap and manifest a life worth living nor can we expect to solve all our issues with one skill set.
I think that the opportunity of life is in the doing and feeling and growing, as we learn and experience. I am here to enjoy the ride and have as much laughter and love as I can while I learn.
Thank you again for all you do and for being such an excellent therapist, teacher and friend.
Andy Bryce EFT Master

Hi Steve,

A great article which articulates self denial – if we deny the validity of our feelings, particularly the “unwanted” ones such as anger, frustration, etc., then we deny ourselves many possibilities to learn and grow from them.

I concur with you, my experience is that when I have seemingly hit rock bottom I discover something about myself that I would otherwise have never given myself the opportunity to explore! Treasures are often found beneath “what appears to be”. This goes for many of my clients too.

Dianne Growcott, EFT Practitioner

Hi Steve

Thank you for a refreshing look at this topic of “positive thinking”. For me a couple of critical points come up:

1. It doesn’t so much matter whether an emotion or affirmation is positive or negative rather that it is in alignment with our whole body-mind. That is we have acknowledged what is, we have acknowledged all our feelings or thoughts we label negative or positive and really stay present and curious as to why they are here now.

2. That so-called negative emotions (and even pain) are a flag to something we are not paying attention to. We may be missing some essential element in our physical routines, or emotional discomfort/pain may signal an unmet need or value or our choices might not be in congruence with our values. In this sense a ‘negative’ emotion is actually a positive act on the part of our psyche asking us to pay attention with more than our minds/thinking. The call to pay attention can get louder and more strident with the passing of time or the more we try and suppress it.

3. Each of us has a rhythm within our bodies that comes from our ancestry, birth and living experiences. When we live unconsciously, &/or without self-acceptance, our rhythm gets out of balance, leaving us feeling lost, burdened, angry and/or overwhelmed. But, finding our unique rhythm often seems like one of life’s big mysteries. The simple skill of Focusing resolves this mystery through connecting with our bodily felt experience. As we learn to inhabit the flow of our felt experience, we begin to settle more deeply into re-aligning our mind-body-heart & spirit. Our “feeling body” opens out into our “wisdom body” because embedded in every one of our experiences lies the seed of our own innate wisdom & intuitive intelligence. This means every emotional issue, difficulty, or challenge actually holds a positive yearning and learning.

If anyone is interested in Focusing as a way of enhancing our EFT explorations or inner conversations then feel free to contact me on [email protected] or look at my website http://www.transformative.com.au or go http://www.focusing.org. It is simple to learn and supports every aspect of living experience.

Hannah Troy

What a relief to have the limitations of “positive thinking” put so well and authoritively and have this particular branch of the thought police exposed for their fascistic attitudes towards those of us for whom the system did not work.

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