Steve Wells writes: This is a powerful and instructive story of how intentional tapping can bring dramatic relief from suffering. It was sent to me by Christofer and outlines how she used IEP (Intention-based Energy Process) tapping and followed the guidelines outlined in my recent article on Treating the Value Connection (You can find that article here),to gain freedom and relief in her own issues relating to her husband's alcoholism. As you'll see, this process produced impressive results.
I'm thrilled to be able to share my experiences. Here's the most important one (so far)--the one that's given me relief and freedom:
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I was always fearful of the next explosive outburst from my mother. Most were verbal, but there were many, too many, physical episodes as well. I never felt I received support or protection from my dad. The times that he was home (he traveled a lot in his work), he always sided with my mother and tried to keep peace by telling us kids to keep quiet as mom was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
In my early 20s I married. At that time I had no clue that I had so deftly cloned my mother's dysfunctional behavior by my choice of a husband. My husband was a police officer and each day when he came home from work, he secluded himself in his den and drank bourbon.
Fast forward over 40+ years. My husband's alcoholism is still very active and has caused a lot of damage--physical to him and emotional and mental to me and our marriage.
I've been a member of Al-Anon--a group connected with Alcoholics Anonymous geared toward helping family and friends of alcoholics--for several years. One of the main premises of Al-Anon is to accept the situation and detach from the emotional entanglements and take care of yourself instead of always trying to fix the alcoholic.
Well, coming from the family of origin I did, trying to control, fix, make better, rescue, be a peace maker between fighting people was my stock in trade, my go-to behavior model. And much as I wanted to, detachment from and accepting my current unhappy situation wasn't happening.
I've been an EFT tapper since 2001 and have followed Steve Wells for many years, taken his online and in person classes. When he introduced Intention-based Energy Process tapping, I thought that was fantastic. I got great results from using it.
However, when he recently added questions to identify the value connection, it took the IEP tapping to a whole new level.
Here's what I did:
I tapped on the FANTASY of what my marriage Should be like, on the FANTASY of how my husband Should realize the error of his ways, give up drinking, go to Alcoholics Anonymous and counseling and be a new and improved model husband.
Of course, I quickly identified that my controlling, enmeshed behavior came directly from fear, from the strategies of trying to control and fix everything and everyone from when I was a kid.
It was my attempt to feel safe in that environment, to feel loved and appreciated. No matter how hard I tried and how many times I exhibited that type of behavior, it never worked. And it didn't work in my marriage either.
The knowledge of the origin of my enmeshment and the tapping to remove it quickly brought me relief on this gnarly issue. It opened up pathways for old stuck energy to finally flow and that has given me true detachment and acceptance.
Through tapping on the fantasy, I've been able to release the suffering because I'm in the process of letting it go. It's now become a regular part of my tapping.
By sharing this instance of using Intention Based Energy Process with the value connection questions addition, I encourage you to apply it to situations in your life--ones which have been difficult to shift. My joy at getting to the root of my controlling ways is expanding each time I use the IEP process.
From Steve: I asked Christofer if she would share more detail about how she applied IEP to her issues. Here is her reply:
It's the awareness of these old patterns that is the biggest difference.
Before I was completely in the "blame him or my mother" mode or the "Victim" mode--poor me, nobody understands me, appreciates me, loves me in the way I want to be loved.
Because I'm more aware, I now catch myself having unkind, negative, judging, blaming, victim thoughts --or my personal favorite--muttering under my breath those angry judgmental thoughts.
Awareness helps me evaluate those thoughts or feelings.
Is this thought or feeling serving me? Does it make me feel better? the same? worse? How do I want to feel? think? act?
This evaluation reminds me to instantly do the IEP process. My goal is to remove the negativity from my mind and body and to replace it with better feelings and thoughts, to get back to being balanced and focused on the things I can actually do something about.
It's definitely a work in progress. Some of these patterns have been there a long time and they're sneaky. That's why being more aware has made such a huge difference . It's giving me the insight to choose acceptance and detachment instead of continuing to wallow in old schmutz (as they say in the old country).